Federal Government Job Opportunities will exist for qualified individuals in the next election cycle. You could be right for one of these jobs! See partial list of preferred qualifications below:
College degree preferred but not required. We are especially interested in those applicants with law degrees or who have held positions as instructors at well-established universities. Entrepreneurs, CFOs, those with business experience in the real world, or anyone possessing an MBA need not apply.
For all openings, we prefer applicants possess the following set of skills and abilities:
Must be able to lie convincingly, especially to constituents and in interviews with journalists and other media personnel.
The appearance of a stable personal life is important, but any hint of morality will disqualify you for this position.
Must be willing and able to spend taxpayer’s money irresponsibly. Voters have come to expect this ability in their elected officials. Maintaining this standard is paramount. Fiscally responsible individuals need not apply.
Prevarication. If you feel compelled to answer direct questions with direct answers, you are not what we’re looking for.
Previous experience at covering up wrongdoing on your part or the part of others is a must for these positions, although when necessary, on-the-job training is provided.
Must be willing to undertake frivolous travel at government expense.
Basic understanding of economics, wasteful spending, bankruptcy, deficits and accounting is not required.
Some experience using the internet, e-mail, Twitter and other social media outlets is expected, but proficiency in this area is not required.
Preferred candidates will possess excessive amounts of hubris, ego, and immaturity. Stupidity also a plus.
Applicants will find a sense of humor, especially self-deprecating wit, to be a detriment. Stiff-necked snobbery and an attitude of either disdain or condescension is much preferred. The ability to be patronizing also a plus.
You are not right for this job if any of the following apply:
You are a team player who possesses the ability to compromise especially when it’s in the interest of the voters you represent and the country in general.
You are caring, intelligent, idealistic and believe you can make a difference.
You believe doing what’s best for the country should take precedence over your personal glory.
Contracts run four or six years depending on position sought and are renewable at the whim of the voters in the state where you live. Several of our Senators and Representatives have worked a lifetime in these positions. If this seems like the career for you, we suggest you aspire to their standards.
To apply please contact your local political party affiliate office.
Note: If you have held other government positions, especially an unelected (appointed) position, please state so on your application. Several such “czar” positions are currently available and require no experience or training of any kind whatsoever. If you subscribe to the theory that it’s not what you know it’s who you know, you may step into one of these newly created positions immediately.
Occasionally I like to take a break from writing novel-length fiction. If this made you smile, please like or comment.
You can always visit me at www.barbmeyers.com