My Vein, My Blood – 20

11-8-06

I am a genius.  I am wonderful.  I am worthy.  I give thanks.  I am getting better each day.  My time is valuable.  I am blessed in ways I’m not even aware of.

Bestseller List NYT, USA Today

Barbara Meyers NOT QUITE HEAVEN

Barbara Meyers A MONTH FROM MIAMI

Barbara Meyers FINAL MISSION

Headlines – Barbara Meyers sells movie rights for unprecedented 7 figures.  Barbara Meyers lands top agent.  Barbara Meyers in New York City for major booksigning event with fellow bestselling authors.  Barbara Meyers buys home for brother.  Barbara Meyers buys new couch, redecorates living room.  Barbara Meyers stars in movie, is nominated for independent film award.  What is the secret?  Be what you want to be and draw that energy toward you.  God, show me.  Thank you.

11-9-06

Some brilliant person is going to create a fantastic web site for me.  That brilliant person might just be me, because, of course, I am brilliant.  What would I put on my web site?  Blurbs of my not yet pubbed books?  NO—don’t want to give anyone ideas.  Maybe some of the little stories I’ve written over the years.  My poems.  My brilliant insights into the world.  Or at least my amateur views.

I don’t know why the J issue bugs me so much.  I just resent like hell anyone getting preferential treatment unless, of course, it’s me.  And if you can’t do the job—then why are you there?  And why does management make concessions for you and not for everyone else?  It’s just bad management, imo.  But as long as it doesn’t affect me overly much, then why should I care?  I am going to move on and achieve my own success.  In the meantime, this job serves my purpose.  And it will make a lovely rags to riches story when I get where I’m headed.  I might need to pay someone to build and maintain my web site.  Only because of my time.  Would I spend that much time keeping it updated?  I’d like the control and “do it yourself.”  But how time-consuming will it be?  I need to brush the dog and put in her eyedrops.  What makes her think she’s allowed to sit on the couch?  It’s getting cold in here.  My feet are freezing.  I feel vaguely hungry but I don’t know what for.  Chocolate milk maybe.  I keep having this recurring (and very vague) story idea. Sort of a modern-day Jane Eyre plot.  Guy who has young twins—dead (or disappeared?) wife?  Hires nanny (ugly duckling type) who has a troubled past that’s about to catch up with here.  In what form troubled past takes shape I don’t know.  Somebody wants her dead?  But why?  She sees this guy’s gated estate as security.  Safety.  But what is she running from?  Or to?  Maybe she was attacked and severely injured and left for dead and she testified against her attacker and he went to prison.  But he swore he’d hunt her down and kill her when he got out.  And now he’s out.  She should have some scars—a limp or something.  Maybe he hurt her because she was helping someone else.  Her sister maybe?  Domestic violence?  And he killed the sister in a fit of rage and almost killed the heroine.  Maybe she’s disguised herself?  To make herself homely, but she’s fairly attractive.  I see her swimming at night and hero sees her—he had no idea what lurked beneath her baggy clothes.  I wonder if his wife could return.  Where’s she been?  Maybe the brother-in-law/b/f guy could conveniently kill her when she gets in his way?  And heroine can kill this guy after he threatens the twins and the dad?  There’d be all this underlying fear—she’d want to hide—he’d want to avoid being hurt or abandoned.  She thinks she’ll be safe with him, but he can’t keep her safe from her own desires.  Maybe she was high profile at one time—nanny to a celebrity’s child and that’s all the reference he needs—doesn’t know about attack or guy getting out of jail.  She resists going out, but he encourages/forces her to.  I see her on a bed crying—he’s been cruel—in comforting or apologizing, passion ignites.  Or interest, at least.  And he distances himself from kids because he’s not sure they’re his.  Oh, yes, I am a brilliant genius.  I could meet an agent in Starbucks.  I could meet an editor in Starbucks.  Maybe Mitch Albom’s editor.  Who’s looking for a brilliant new voice in another genre.  I see my future. Thank you God, for everything.

11-10-06

Things To Do

  1. Get check
  2. Get F RX eyedrops
  3. Get F Heartworm med.
  4. Call S.
  5. Call S.
  6. Shower door
  7. E-mail C & M
  8. Trim nails
  9. Print pictures
  10. Take pool water in
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