It’s a bit frustrating when I can’t figure out the daily crossword. Today I made mistakes early on. That always messes me up. I am encouraged that another agent asked to see a partial of Kaylee. I need to make a list of who I should thank. S, T, K, J for sure. RB. If I had an agent who hadn’t done anything for me after a year I wonder if I’d be looking for another agent? Well, but how long has M had RB and she hasn’t sold her. Is that R’s failure? Even K’s agent didn’t sell her first book. An agent is no guarantee of a sale. I have to remember that. K must have been discouraged when A wouldn’t even send her second book out. It’s raining here. Pouring. Windy. I might have to go somewhere to get some exercise. Walk the mall or something. I could do an exercise tape. I ate 2 croissants. Oh, but so good. Maybe I’ll check out the kickboxing tape. I need a pedicure. And a massage. And I need to go get my eyebrows done. I still want the Lancome gift w/purchase!! I don’t know why. I just do. It’s silly. I can’t wait for my external zip drive to arrive. Although I guess I should try to use the $75 jump drive I already have. I could try jumping Melissa off the zip drive to the jump drive, download it onto my laptop and save it on a CD. I am so lucky that B makes all this computer equipment affordable.
I am really tired of “the experts” telling the rest of us what a good marriage looks like. Or maybe I’m just disgruntled that mine doesn’t fit the profile.
I must be really confused about what I need. Reading Ninclink is interesting, yet depressing. It always makes me think I don’t know enough about the market—which I’m sure I don’t. But I don’t want to know. Either I’ll get an agent or I won’t. Either I’ll sell my work or I won’t. Should I start my own publishing company? I don’t have the know-how to do that, though. Okay, what about E-publishing? At least that’s becoming more mainstream. Or do I just keep plodding along waiting for my big break? All I want to do is write fiction. I’ll look for an agent but I don’t have the energy to market. And maybe that’s my problem. And now I’ve isolated myself from other writers. I can’t decide if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. It shouldn’t take J this long to get back to me, should it? We’re coming up on 2 months. I’m so annoyed with all of it at the moment. Grrr! And my house is dirty. I haven’t eaten. I haven’t showered. The pool guy came and I had to clean the filter. And put chemicals in the pool. Time just flies away from me. Where are my priorities?
I bought a can of frosting and chocolate chips today. I don’t want to eat it right now. But I’m comforted just knowing it’s there if I do get an uncontrollable craving! How sick is that? I am bummed that B’s going to back to work. But I guess it makes sense. J may never sell that bank. I have to go de-flea the dog. She’s biting herself and driving me crazy.
I am so tired. I feel like I’m trapped in the computer room because S is here cleaning. Stupid. I am tired of rude people. I’m tired of being abused and rejected. I’m tired of P’s behavior and attitude. I’m tired of working with her and she steps out of deployment and steps all over everyone else. It’s so aggravating. I’m tired of Starbucks pay scale where now everyone there at least 6 months makes nearly as much as I do after 3 years. God, what am I doing wrong? I would really like to know. Am I not praying enough? Am I not on the right path? Am I praying for the wrong thing? What? What is it? Am I not meant to write what I write? Then why is that what’s in my head? Where do these stories come from? What else should I be writing? How much more should I be disrespected? If I write more for ______ that’s what will happen. I’m so exhausted. Something has to change. Soon.